Hope Cradled in Her Arms (Preview)

Chapter One

Seraphina crossed her arms over her front, rubbing her upper extremities simultaneously as she kept up her pace. The biting wind tore at her dress and dug its cold fingers through her shawl. She hadn’t expected the trail to Oregon Territory to be so cold.

The wagon train leader said it was caused by a cold front filtering down from the Rockies. She shivered as a streak of lightning jolted through the sky. A storm was coming.

She’d seen the gray clouds and heard the soft rumbles of thunder throughout the day. The wagon train guide and his men swept down the long line of weary travelers.

“Make camp!” They yelled as they passed. She overheard one of the men stop to talk to her father.

“There’s an abandoned settlement, right past those trees. Captain Zach says that it’s safe enough to stay the night, safer than the storm anyway.” Silas, one of the captain’s scouts, offered Seraphina a smile when he caught her watching.

She looked away quickly.

Her father had made his intentions clear when it came to men. She was supposed to stay far away from them. She smiled at the thought. She was twenty-two years old, practically an old maid, and yet, he acted as if she were some eager eighteen-year-old looking to get married.

She’d learned her lesson about that years ago. She wanted love at some point, a kind, handsome man to sweep her off her feet and give her a family. She’d craved that happy ending since she was a child, and yet, she’d come to accept that when her father decided he’d found her an appropriate husband, she would marry.

She pushed away the uneasy feeling that the thought brought. She didn’t want to marry a stranger, focus on being a good and Godly wife to a man she didn’t know at all, or trust in the least. And yet, her father had told her over and over that it was the way that she would serve God, and that she had little choice in the matter. She frowned as she headed toward the edge of the woods. Every evening, she was the one who gathered wood for their camp. She enjoyed the few moments to herself. It was one of the few things she did outside of her father’s supervision. As she went, she passed by Dr. Sterling’s wagon.

He was right behind them, since he’d spent the night before at the front of the wagon and had been passed to the back. The rotation was endless, and for most of it, Dr. Sterling’s wagon was right behind theirs.

As she rounded the wagon, she paused. Dr. Sterling was setting up a fire, stacking sticks up in the proper formation underneath a tarp he’d already managed to throw up into a sort of shelter against the wagon. He’d made quick work of it. He looked up from what he was doing, his bright blue eyes landing on her, and sending a jolt straight into her chest.

“Miss Harwick, is everything all right?” he asked. His voice was low, rumbly, with a soft tone. It was different from her father’s often harsh demands. Instead, he sounded concerned when he spoke. Maybe that was why people said he was a good doctor.

“I’m fine. Just going to gather wood,” Seraphina gave him a polite smile, before continuing on. Despite the storm, there were still remnants of the sun’s light. It would be gone soon, as evening rolled in. A fat drop of rain fell from the sky, landing on her nose. She’d need to hurry if there was a good chance of finding dry sticks for a hot fire to cook with. She glanced up at the sky. It was still full of dark gray clouds that looked menacing at best.

Hopefully, the rain would hold off a little longer. She thought about turning back and waiting to gather what she needed. There were some leftovers from their fire the night before that they kept in the back of the wagon. Just in case they could only find green wood, her father liked having a way to start a fire to dry the rest out.

Seraphina frowned. She’d prefer to risk getting caught in some rain rather than going back empty-handed and being wrong about the incoming storm.

It didn’t take long to get to the edge of the woods. 

Seraphina used her apron to start gathering twigs and some thicker branches. She inspected what she found, pulling it from under the leaves when necessary. She thought about what life would be like when they got to Oregon Territory. Her father would start a church, and she would be expected to help.

He would pick a husband for her, most likely, someone who wanted to help him with the church, and do whatever he wanted. Seraphina turned her face up toward the sky, allowing a couple of drops of rain to fall on her cheeks. She closed her eyes and prayed to God that he would give her patience and show her his will for her life.

She loved God, something her mother had instilled in her since she was a child. She only wished that she were able to tell what He expected of her. For some reason, it didn’t feel as if what God wanted aligned with what her father did.

Seraphina turned her attention back to the kindling as the rain picked up pace. It fell harder around her. It was time to get back. She may not have been able to stay out as long as she liked, but she also didn’t want to get lost in the storm. She’d strayed from the wagon trail in her wanderings. It would take at least fifteen to twenty minutes to make her way back. She glanced up at the trees above her. Their branches blocked out the waning light of the sun, but also the brunt of the rain.

Once she stepped out into the open field that would take her back, the rain felt so much worse. She’d underestimated how bad the storm was getting, since she’d been under the canopy of trees. Tightness in her chest frightened her. The feeling was nothing new. Sometimes when she was in a scary situation, she felt as if it were hard to breathe.

 With every step toward camp, the rain fell faster, harder. The storm had to be just as bad back at camp. Her father would be worried. He was strict, controlling, and often turned a blind eye to her feelings; and yet, he was still her father. He would want to know she was safe.

She hadn’t meant to put herself into a precarious situation. Her eyes trailed to the kindling in her apron, and her heart sank for a moment before she dumped it and gathered her skirts. She needed to get back at that point; it no longer mattered that she wouldn’t be able to bring wood for the fire. Hopefully, her father would understand. 

The rain came down in sheets, torrents, and pelts of ice hit her back and arms, freezing her to the bone. She struggled to pull in a full breath. The ice was more like sleet, with some pieces bigger than others. Seraphina blinked against the discomfort. They’d faced other storms that were similar since leaving Independence, Missouri, but she’d never been out in the open—alone—during them.

She pushed forward a bit harder. She wanted to get the wagon train in her sights. Her foot landed in a puddle, and cold ice water plunged into her boot as her ankle bent and she fell, her knees slamming into the ground.

A shriek of pain escaped her as she tried to right herself. She could hardly put any weight on her ankle. It brought tears to her eyes, mingling with the rain. She managed to stand, pulling herself to her feet.

Seraphina did her best to ignore the frigid wind and tested her weight on her injured ankle. Fire shot up her leg, and she nearly yelled out again in pain. She couldn’t walk, much less run.

She looked in the direction of the camp and the woods. The trees had offered some shelter before; maybe if she got back to them, she could wait out the rain. Surely it couldn’t last for long. She hopped tentatively in the direction of the woods, doing her best to keep the hem of her dress out of the mud and her bad foot off the ground.

Biting her lip in concentration, she pulled in little sharp breaths, pushing forward. Her shawl no longer offered any protection from the cold, and compared to the light chill she’d felt earlier, she could barely stand the freezing icicles making their way through her.

Her heart leaped in her chest, filling her with hope. She’d have at least a little bit of protection in the woods. She’d almost reached the spot she had been when the downpour started, when movement caught her eye. She turned to look as she ducked under the closest canopy of leaves. It wasn’t like her father to come looking for her, especially in such a bad storm. As the figure drew closer, she squinted harder to make out who it was. It became clearer that it was not her father. This man was taller, wider, and had a black hat, pulled low over his forehead. It wasn’t until he was almost upon her that she realized who it was—Dr. Sterling. 

He was as wet as she was, his dark brown hair plastered against his forehead.

“Miss Harwick, thank goodness!” he yelled over the storm, putting his hand to his forehead, trying to block some of the rain. “Your father was worried and asked everyone to help look for you. We didn’t expect the rain to get so bad so quickly.” Dr. Sterling stripped himself of his coat and closed the distance between them. He wrapped the coat around her shoulders. It looked wet on the outside, but as soon as it was around her shoulders, she felt the warmth of it shielding her.

“I tried to go back but…” Seraphina could hardly hear her own voice above the din of the storm. She pointed at her ankle. “I fell and hurt my ankle.”

Before she could say more, Dr. Sterling knelt before her. He reached out and pulled her foot from her boot, wrapping his hands around her ankle, his fingers probing her sensitive skin. She fought back tears until he slid her foot back into the boot and stood.

“It’s swollen. Can you walk?” Dr. Sterling’s expression was set in a stern frown.

“Not well. It hurts very badly.”

His frown deepened, then he spoke again. “The storm is only getting worse. It’s a good fifteen minutes to walk back to camp. We need to find shelter, somewhere closer to wait for it to pass.”

“My father…” She tried to protest. Her ankle hurt, and her whole body was shaking violently, and yet, she didn’t want to face her father if she took longer to return than she should. He’d be angry and wouldn’t understand.

“He’ll have to wait. We will both catch our death of a cold out here. Come.” He held his hand out to her, and Seraphina hesitated. She’d only held one man’s hand before, and it had ended terribly. After one more second of hesitation, she reached out and took it. Even though his skin was wet, his hand was warm, surprising her. Seraphina wasn’t quite sure what to think of it.

He gently tugged her forward, as if he intended to guide her. She took a step forward, then crumpled to the ground as if the solid ground had disappeared. For one quick second, she thought that her whole body would hit the ground, but instead, strong arms wrapped around her, holding her up. Dr. Sterling hadn’t let her fall. He set her upright with a tight nod, then, without asking, wrapped one arm around her waist, practically carrying her as he led her further into the woods.

“There’s a cabin ahead. I saw it earlier. Part of the abandoned homestead that the scouts were talking about. It’s closer than the wagons.” Dr. Sterling’s words were strangely reassuring, despite the panic clawing at Seraphina’s chest.

He was so close to her that she could hear him clearly despite the storm. Sure enough, just a few paces further, she spotted the cabin he was talking about. It looked like it hadn’t been touched in years. The windows were broken in, and the little lean-to on the side of the building was completely caved in. The doors were barely on their hinges.

Dr. Sterling helped her through the front door of the cabin, then turned back toward the storm.

“I’ll be right back,” he said, then disappeared into the rain. She moved forward carefully, making sure to put all of her weight on her good foot. The light in the cabin was dim. The sun had either set, or what was left of it was mostly blocked by the storm.

A groan made her freeze. She wasn’t alone in the cabin. Her heart leaped into her throat as she turned around in the wide room, looking for the origin of the noise. Movement on the far side of the cabin, near what looked like the dining room table, caught her attention.

Someone was lying on the floor of the cabin, tucked into the corner, past the table. She wouldn’t have noticed if it hadn’t been for the noise. Seraphina made her way forward as the rain continued to drum on the roof of the cabin.

She knelt beside the figure, reaching out tentatively to pull back a dirty blanket. A woman stared back at her. She was much older than Seraphina, perhaps by a good fifteen years. What brought tears to Seraphina’s eyes was not the woman, but the baby lying at her side.

He’s not even a year old.

Seraphina directed her attention to the woman. Watery green eyes stared up at her. Black hair framed the woman’s sunken face. It looked like she hadn’t had a good meal in quite some time.

The woman pursed her lips, as if she intended to say something, but no sound came out. She pushed the baby in Seraphina’s direction and held out one bony, skinny hand. Seraphina looked around for Dr. Sterling. He could help the woman. After all, he was a doctor.

The woman dropped a silver pendant, connected to a similar silver chain, into Seraphina’s hand. The woman’s fingers shook as she closed Seraphina’s hand over the jewelry.

“Take… care of the baby. Daniel.” She took Seraphina’s hand, placing it on the baby, then her head fell back, and her eyes fluttered closed.

“What do you mean?” Seraphina’s voice shook. She reached out, touching the woman’s face, but there was no response. The baby, who had been sleeping until then, stirred, his eyes blinking curiously. Seraphina could hardly make his features out anymore. The light was disappearing fast, the tiny amount there had been anyway.

A sound at the doorway made her start. It was Dr. Sterling.

“Dr. Sterling, over here,” she called across the cabin, wondering if he could hear her with how loud the storm was raging outside. She didn’t take her eyes off of the woman’s still face even when she heard Dr. Sterling making his way over to her.

“What happened? Who is this?” Dr. Sterling knelt beside her. She was so worried about the baby and the woman, for a moment, she didn’t even notice how close he was to her, or how their knees were almost touching.

“She was here, and made a noise and then…” Seraphina pulled in a breath of air. “Is she okay? Is she…” Had the woman just died in front of her?

She watched as Dr. Sterling reached out and touched the woman’s neck. He then leaned forward and pressed his ear to her lips.

“She’s dead.” His words were serious, so solemn, they struck a chord of fear into Seraphina.

“Dead? No. She can’t be dead. She just said that I needed to watch the baby. She was alive. Can’t you… Do something? You’re a doctor.” Seraphina’s voice shook, as a tear slipped from the corner of her eye and slid down her cheek. Images of her mother and the last time she’d spoken with her flashed through her head.

“I’m sorry, but she’s gone.” Dr. Sterling’s voice was even softer this time, and he laid one of his large hands on her shoulder, most likely trying to comfort her. But all she could think of was the weight of his words. Her gaze fell to the baby, who reached for her. What should I do with the infant?

Chapter Two

When the scouts spread the word that they would make camp early, Barney had intended to have a quiet evening, a couple of cups of coffee, and get an early night’s rest to prepare for the day of traveling the next morning.

He’d suspected that the storm, combined with the cold front, would bring trouble, and he had been right. He just couldn’t have predicted how right he would be.

The type of trouble he was in was no good. Being trapped in a cabin with a terrified and injured young woman was bad enough, but then he’d discovered a second woman, who was dead and had left behind an infant to care for.

Barney took a step back from the window he’d been working on. It was the last window of the dilapidated cabin. He’d managed to seal them up with pieces of wood and furniture he’d found. At least it had lessened the wind traveling through the cabin. It had grown dark a while ago, and while he’d managed to build a tiny fire with some damp kindling and the gunpowder from his gun, it was dwindling and not doing much to warm him, the baby, or the woman. Miss Harwick was not the type of woman he wanted to be trapped with.

His eyes traveled over to her. She was a wisp of a thing, tiny compared to him. Freckles scattered over her fair cheeks, and bright pink lips were turned into a frown. Her green eyes surveyed him suspiciously. He’d taken the time to bandage her ankle after he’d made the fire. Her foot was too swollen to fit back into her boot, so it was propped up beside the flames that were all but consumed by the cold in the cabin.

He’d met her father, the preacher, a well-respected man of God, and yet, he was the exact type of man that had led Barney to think twice about God, church, and everything that had anything to do with either of those things.

He let out a long sigh and headed back to the makeshift fire.

“How is the baby?”

“I think he’s cold.” Seraphina’s teeth chattered as she spoke. He’d heard her father call her by her name many times over the last several months they’d been traveling together. He was fairly certain there was nothing that the preacher could handle for himself, given how much he called on his daughter. “He won’t stop complaining, and I can’t do much as I’m…” She motioned to herself. She was still holding tight to his jacket, even though it enveloped her almost completely.

Barney reached out and touched Seraphina’s chin. He turned her face toward him ever so slightly. He only realized how his actions most likely had been taken the wrong way when he noticed how her green eyes widened in alarm.

“Your lips are blue,” he explained. He touched her shoulder, and sure enough, she was shaking so hard, it was a wonder he hadn’t noticed earlier, but his coat had done a lot to cover up how much she was struggling with the cold.

“I’m… f… fine.” She managed. Though it was clear that she was anything but fine. His gaze jumped to the baby. He wasn’t doing much better, even though they’d put him close to the fire.

His lips were also taking on the blueish twinge that Seraphina’s had completely embraced. If he didn’t do something soon, he was going to have two more bodies to deal with, instead of just one.

“You both need to warm up. You need to get out of some of your wet clothes,” he said gruffly, pulling off his outer sweater and then his shirt. He grabbed some of the furniture that was made from wood, such as remnants from the dining room table, and dumped them into the fire, stocking it until it grew a bit bigger.

Then he laid his shirt and his lighter jacket nearby so that they could dry. He pulled off his socks and squeezed the extra water from them, then set his boots and the socks close to the fire, too. He then scooped up the baby, who was thankfully dry, and held him against his chest.

The baby had eaten a bit of apple earlier, which he’d gotten from the dead woman’s pack. The child had four teeth, two on top and two on the bottom, but couldn’t seem to walk. Barney smiled down at the boy as he finally quieted his complaints, nestling close to Barney’s chest.

He then turned his attention to Seraphina, who was still shivering and watching him nervously.

“You have to take off your clothes—not all of them, but what’s the wettest—and keep the coat. The inside is probably still somewhat dry. If you don’t, you could die of hypothermia.” He didn’t mean to be harsh; he only wanted to state the fact, so she knew the reality of the situation.

Her eyes widened, and she shook her head, barely able to speak because of how cold she was.

“My father… he would… my reputation, I shouldn’t even be here.” Her voice wavered as she tried to put together her thoughts into words.

His shoulders fell ever so slightly. She wasn’t wrong. If they were seen in the position they were already in, Miss Harwick’s reputation would most certainly be in question.

Barney frowned, casting an angry glare at the door of the cabin. It was still pouring outside. Not to mention it was dark, and the way back to the wagon train was a long one.

“In the morning, your clothes will be mostly dry, you get dressed, and I’ll get you back to the wagon train. No one has to know how you managed to make it through the night, but if you don’t do what I’m telling you, then there will be no tomorrow for you.” He knew that he was right. She was shivering badly, and the blue color from her lips was extending past where it had stopped earlier.

She bit her lower lip, as if she were truly considering whether it was worth risking her reputation for her life. Even if her father found out that she’d taken off a few layers of clothing in front of a doctor, surely, he would rather have his daughter be alive.

After all, Seraphina didn’t seem like the type of woman to be loose with herself. She was very reserved, and in all of the months they’d spent less than fifty feet apart, she’d said less than a dozen words to him.

She stood and laid his coat aside. He noticed how hard her hands shook, and wondered how much was because of how cold she was and how much was because of her nerves. He turned away from her, trying to give her privacy.

Barney loved his work as a doctor, back in the day that was, when he’d discovered helping people; giving them a second chance, saving them from things that could end their life.

After losing everything, helping others through his knowledge as a doctor was all he had left, and it was the only thing that kept him going.

“I’m done.” Seraphina’s soft whisper made him turn back around. She’d removed her dress and a petticoat, as well as her socks and boots. She was still wearing her chemise, a corset, and her second petticoat, as well as bloomers. They were all damp, but much thinner than the heavy dress, petticoat, and her shawl. It would give her a better chance of heating up. She grabbed his coat and wrapped it back around her shoulders, then scooted as close to the fire as she dared.

Barney watched her for the next few minutes before he walked over and sat next to her. He scooted closer, until his bare shoulder touched hers. He hoped that he could pass some of his body heat, no matter how little, into her. She was still shaking, and he felt it as soon as he made contact. In fact, it seemed to be worse.

Without thinking, he wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her close.

She was stiff up against his side. He rubbed his hand up and down her arm while pressing the baby close to him with his other arm. He was going to keep the two alive, one way or another.

“I don’t think… we should be doing this,” Seraphina said at long last.

“I’m not going to watch you die.” Barney’s tone was gruff, but he meant every word. He was willing to do what it took to keep both Seraphina and Daniel from dying. That was his job after all. Her father had asked him to look for her, to make sure she was safe in the storm. That was exactly what he was doing.

“You never say much to me or my father,” Seraphina’s voice seemed a little more stable, like her body was regulating, at least a little. The gentle glow of the fire was helping some with the efforts of reheating everyone.

“I prefer to be on my own. I don’t aim to make friendships. The captain asked me to join the wagon train so he’d have a doctor along for the trip.”

“Oh.” Seraphina sounded like she understood. Her response surprised him. He’d expected her to protest, tell him that he needed friendships, or that he had to be a bit more open to those around him. “I don’t think my father likes you.”

Barney scoffed. He couldn’t help himself. Her father had made it clear that he didn’t like Barney from the moment he had walked out of the makeshift service to help a man with a sick cow. He’d thought that it was a bigger priority to help someone than to make the preacher happy.

“You should get some rest.”

“Thank you for helping me.” Her voice was so tiny in the roaring storm that he was sure it wouldn’t be ending anytime soon. Silence settled over the inside of the cabin. Barney tried to get comfortable, using one of the remaining dining room chairs to lean back on, and bringing his knee up to support his arm that was holding the baby, then he let his head fall to his chest, and tried to get some rest himself.

Sleep eluded him. He could tell when Seraphina fell asleep. Her small form leaned further into him, the rigidness going out of her as she rested fully against him. He was relieved when her frantic shivering stopped. The next day, he’d make sure that he was awake first thing in the morning, and give her time to compose herself, and he’d put a shirt on, then they’d go back to the wagon train like nothing happened.

The more he considered it, the more he was sure that the preacher was not an understanding man.

***Barney woke up with a start. It wasn’t the sun streaming through the windows that had pulled him from his sleep, but instead, the still silence. The storm had passed, and while the morning was still cold, it was warmer than the night before. The fire had burned itself out, just leaving embers.

Barney took a moment to assess the situation. During the night, Daniel had shifted and was now snuggled between him and Seraphina. She’d rested her head on his chest and had a hand protectively around Daniel.

He took in the sight, a pang shooting through his heart. A little more than five years ago, he’d been in a very similar position, with a different woman, and a different baby.

The ache burned in his chest, as if it were on fire. He tried to push those images from his mind, but for a second, he could almost imagine he’d been transported back in time. He forced himself back to reality. The storm was gone, and that meant that everyone who had been looking for Seraphina the night before would be looking for her even harder.

If they found her that way…

He stood, gently positioning Seraphina against his coat on the ground, and tucking Daniel closer to her. The two stirred, but didn’t wake. He’d give them a few more seconds while he got dressed. He stood and grabbed his shirt from near the fire and pulled it on over his shoulder.

He reached for the bottom button when the front door of the cabin burst open, banging against the wall. There in the doorway stood Captain Zack, Silas the scout, and worst of all, the preacher.

His eyes went to Barney’s state of undress, then to his daughter and the baby as Seraphina sat straight up, pulling Barney’s coat closer to herself to cover up. Her eyes went wide as she looked between Barney and her father, and Barney’s heart sank.

There was no way to undo what he’d just allowed to happen.