Following her Heart’s Compass (Preview)

Chapter One

Anita Jefferson ran as quickly as she could. Her mass of blonde curls bounced with the rhythm of her feet, rushing from the marketplace with her heart pounding and her breathing shallow.

“Don’t come back here! We know what you are!” a man shouted after her. It was just the latest in a series of awful names she had been called.

Anita grasped her skirts, trying to ensure that she would not trip on the hem. But the idea of pulling them up too far was something she couldn’t risk. If anyone saw her ankles or calves, they would only further slander her name and continue in this raging hate.

Anita could not have that.

Discouraged and shocked by the accusations against her, Anita was utterly heartbroken. She could not understand why people chose to show her such hate when all she had done was go into town to buy a few things for her mother.

She knew there had been strange and untrue whispers of late, that someone was spreading false gossip about her. No matter how frustrated Anita was by the lies, she was still utterly confused about where the tales had come from. There was no reason anyone should have thought so poorly about her, and she had done nothing at all to damage her reputation.

However, it was too late for Anita to do anything about it. She was stuck, always defending herself. In the past two weeks, she had been asked by three of her friends—before each of them stopped speaking with her. And then, at church on Sunday, Mrs. Liddell, the mother of one of her dear friends, told Anita that Sylvia would no longer be allowed to associate with Anita after these instances came to light.

Disturbed and wondering exactly what these instances were, Anita realized she had little choice aside from asking around. Unfortunately, few people were speaking to her or her family by then. It was clear there was something wrong, that she had offended somebody somehow. Whatever was going on, Anita realized that things were changing, and there were a lot of people around who no longer trusted her.

She rushed through the side streets of Charlottesville, desperate to hide from those who were calling after her and making claims that she was a loose woman. Anita had never done anything to warrant the accusation, but she understood that it didn’t matter. In their minds, it was a fact.

Anita’s green eyes searched for the turn she was hoping for, and at last, she found it. On swift feet, she took a right and darted out of town and up the hill that led to the small, cramped group of houses where hers sat among all the others, squeezed between them.

As Anita surged between the small wooden houses, many of them no more than shacks, she found her own. With a small patch of grass in the front that her mother called a garden, there was nothing much else save for a couple of feet until the next house along.

“Ha! She dares to come back down our streets?” one of her neighbors was saying to her husband as Anita rushed past.

But her feet did not slow, even as her lungs ached and her legs quivered from the strain in her calves. Anita’s small frame—one that she had always been rather self-conscious of—finally pushed inside the door and into the warmth of the thin hallway.

The home was empty, and Anita barely made it to the small sitting room before falling to her knees, sobbing. She immediately offered her prayer of petition to the Lord, knowing that he was the only one who could get her through this.

Father in Heaven, I need your help! I don’t know how it came to be like this or how I have been made subject to whatever is being said about me. It doesn’t make any sense, Lord. I didn’t do anything to harm my reputation, and yet, they are saying that I am loose and immoral. Why? Why would they be so cruel? What have I done to cause this?

I need you to comfort me through this and to bring justice to my name. Please, Father, please help me and help my family not to be harmed because of this. I need you, Lord.

As Anita begged, there was a still, small voice in her heart with a few verses from the Psalms that Anita knew well. It was the thirteenth chapter, and it settled in her mind with a force she could not describe.
How long wilt thou forget me, O Lord? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? how long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?

Consider and hear me, O Lord my God: lighten mine eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death; Lest mine enemy say, I have prevailed against him; and those that trouble me rejoice when I am moved.

But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation.

I will sing unto the Lord, because he hath dealt bountifully with me.

Anita took a deep breath. She knew these words well and realized with a sudden clarity that the Lord was warning her. Someone had worked to make her an enemy. Someone was going out of their way to ruin Anita’s reputation, and she would have to recognize that she was not at fault but that there was more to this story.

It pained her, but it also gave her a sense of understanding.

Whomever this was, and whatever they wanted, whatever their reason for spreading such malicious gossip, the Lord was by her side, and he would get her through this awful season, no matter what.

Thank you, Lord.

Anita was grateful just to know that she was not alone. That was all that really mattered. Although she was still in pain from what was being said about her, Anita knew she could get through this with the Lord’s help.

Of course, she had a dread that it was only going to get worse. If the rumors had spread this quickly and cruelly, there was no reason to think they weren’t going to get even worse. If that happened, Anita wasn’t sure how she was going to make it through this season.

But as she was worrying about these things, Anita heard the sound of the front door open and a series of pattering footfalls. She sighed in a blend of relief and concern, knowing that her mother and four younger siblings must be home. If her mother had heard the things being said around the town, Anita realized she might have some explaining to do.

“Anita? Are you here?” her mother called.

“I am here, Mother,” she replied.

Her mother burst into the sitting room while Anita’s youngest brother, Miles, hurried past the open doorway.

“Slow down, Miles!” her mother called. Then, turning to Anita, she put her hands on her hips and looked at her daughter with concern.

“I take it you heard what is being said about me,” Anita said, quietly and full of shame.

“I heard some things, all right. But I don’t know that I can possibly believe them. Not about my little girl. So tell me … are they true?” her mother asked.

“Of course not, Mother. I would never do anything to compromise my virtue; you know that. I mean it. What they are saying? It’s not true. I never did that, and I never would,” Anita promised.

Her mother gave her a long, discerning look and then sighed.

“I believe you, Anita. I know that you’re a good girl and not the sort to get mixed up into any trouble. But I can’t understand why these things are being said against you. Has something happened? Why would anyone make these claims? What’s going on, Anita?” her mother asked.

Anita looked away in shame, although for what, she didn’t know. She really hadn’t done anything wrong. Whatever had happened, she still wasn’t sure what it was.

“I don’t know what happened. Honestly. I wish that I did. I wish I could tell you why people are saying these things about me, but the truth is, I have no idea where they got the idea that I did any of the things they’re accusing me of,” she said. “I never did anything to make anyone suspicious of me.”

Her mother nodded and took a copy of the newspaper from her small, slightly tattered purse.

“Anita, you know that we have been trying to help you find a husband. There were a couple of fellas from church that I was hoping for. But with these rumors, there’s just not much of an option here for you. No one is going to trust you. It grieves me to say that, but I don’t know what else to say or do,” her mother said.

“So … so what are you saying, Mother?” Anita asked.

“I’m saying that we can’t afford for you to stay here much longer, and you need to find a husband. And if you can’t find one here …” her mother trailed off, her eyes welling up with tears.

She held out the paper for Anita and looked away, full of shame.

“What’s this?” Anita asked, taking the newspaper.

“I’m so sorry, my dear. I’m sorry that we don’t have more money to keep you at home. I’m sorry that our situation is like this.” Her mother wept.

Torn between looking at the paper and comforting her mother, Anita chose the latter. She wrapped her mother in an embrace, and they cried together. But over her mother’s shoulder, Anita stole a glance at the paper in her other hand. She saw what her mother was handing her, and it sent a fresh wave of tears to her eyes.

Men Seeking Wives …

It was a series of ads for men wanting to order brides to come and marry them. Anita’s mother was trying to send her away to find a husband in another place … a place far from Charlottesville, Virginia.

She clutched her mother, unwilling to let go for the longest time. As much as it pained her, Anita understood that this was necessary. She knew that her family had few choices and that if she did not abide by her mother’s wishes in this circumstance, she might be forever ruining her family’s chances to overcome their situation.

For months now, Anita had known that she needed to marry. She’d had very little interest in any of the men she knew, even the one who had shown a great interest in her. But her mother had been trying to find someone, talking to the other women at church and hoping that there would be a chance. And her mother had also disliked Theodore and had not wanted Anita to marry him any more than Anita wanted to.

So, perhaps, this really was her only choice. Anita would have to be brave, to set out in the hopes of finding a decent husband.

The paper was heavy in her hands, and her mother’s body sagged against hers.

But she could do this. Anita was determined. She would do this for the sake of her family.

Chapter Two

Will Murphy scratched his chin under the coarse, dark beard and squinted at the papers in front of him. His eyesight was fading, but he refused to wear the spectacles he had, reminding himself that a soldier doesn’t need them in order to aim true.

Of course, he had only been forced to shoot on a few occasions. As a doctor in the war, he had been the one who had to stitch up his comrades after they were injured. But now that he was back in Greenbrook, Kansas, Will was trying to put it all behind him. He was trying to ignore the question that lingered in his mind about why God allowed him to live when so many others had died.

“Will?”

The voice came from behind him, and Will turned to see Silas coming into the small office that Will used for seeing patients in his clinic.

“I wasn’t sure if you were back from the house call you said you had,” Silas told him.

“Just got back a few minutes ago. I was writing up a few things about Mrs. Whistler’s rheumatism. I’m running out of the medicine I give her and need to make up a larger batch,” he said.

“Isn’t it just pectin and grape juice?” Silas asked.

“That’s what most of the doctors use, but I’ve been working to see what else might help. There are a few herbs and tinctures I’ve considered, and Mrs. Whistler said she’s happy to try new things,” Will said.

“That’s because she trusts you. Then again, everyone does. No one is going to question Doctor Will Murphy,” Silas said, grinning as he set down the old potato sack full of items that Will had requested.

“Thank you for that,” Will said.

“Not a problem. Anything in here you plan to use for the medicine?” Silas asked.

“Most definitely. The black pepper and the cinnamon should help, as well as the orange peel. I plan to dry that out and add it to a tincture,” he explained.

“Well, you know better than I do,” Silas said.

Will smiled in his typical, distracted way. He was trying to focus on the medicines he was experimenting with, medicines less potent than many of the newer ones arriving in the Americas in the previous decade.

Some of those had strange side effects and really affected the patient’s mental state. Will wanted to try using less potent ingredients that could be used longer term.

Unfortunately, he was still struggling to think about anything but his mother. She was home, alone, and was always eager for Will to be there before dark.

“How are things at home?” Silas asked as if reading Will’s mind.

Will sighed and looked away, sadly.

“She’s still having a tough time,” he said.

“I’m sure she is,” Silas replied. “But it’s good that she has you around.”

“I know. I’m glad that I’m here for her, but I know that she misses Nathaniel something fierce. You know, he was planning to get married as soon as he came back from the war, kept talking about how women would flock to him if he were a war hero,” Will said, reminiscing about his little brother.

“I know, Will. I know,” Silas said compassionately.

Will turned to him and smiled.

“I suppose you really do know. After all, you moved here, to a new town, as soon as the war was over, and found yourself a lady right away. And a good one, too. Shelby’s a nice girl, Silas. I’m excited for the two of you to get married,” Will said, trying to be more upbeat.

“There are plenty more good women out there. You should try finding one for yourself. I’m sure that you could be really happy with someone if you just took the time to find her,” Silas said.

“Not just now. I haven’t thought about marriage in a long time, Silas. Around the time I might have started thinking about it, Pa died. I needed to look after Ma and Nathaniel. Then the war came a year later, just as I was finishing up my schooling. After four years in battle and losing my little brother, marriage just hasn’t been on my mind,” Will said.

“But you’ve been back for over a year now. You set up this wonderful clinic, and you have a fairly steady income. I don’t think you should be so rigid about your happiness. Honestly, you deserve to enjoy your life, Will. There are good things ahead for you if you will just reach out and grasp them. I’m sure that you will find the right woman soon enough,” Silas said.

Will chewed the inside of his cheek, trying to let go of his frustration. He didn’t want to find a woman just yet. He hadn’t even thought about it, and for good reason. He was busy, trying to build up this wonderful clinic he had been working on. He needed to focus on looking after his mother. She was still deep in her grief.

Besides, it just wasn’t fair.

Will still hadn’t figured out how to explain it to Silas or his mother or anyone else in town who tried to suggest he find a wife. But how could he possibly get married when it was all so wrong? How could he find a wife when there were thousands of other men who had fought for a future, and they had died?

How could he do that to Nathaniel? Nathaniel wanted a wife so badly. It wasn’t fair that Will was the one who now had the chance for it. Somehow, getting married felt like a betrayal of his brother.

“Anyway,” Silas said as if realizing that he was not being helpful in his suggestions. “Just let me know if you need anything else. I can bring it any time.”

“Thank you. I’ll let you know for certain,” Will said.

Silas departed from the office, and Will started going through the bag of items, hoping he would find what he needed. He was eager to get started on his newest attempts to design a medicine that would work well for Mrs. Whistler. No matter how much he cared about looking after his patients, he always seemed to be dragging himself through it.

Will was thankful that the Lord had given him this skill and allowed him to use it as a distraction, but he still wished he could do more or that he could at least focus his attention better. Even with this, he still found himself often thinking about his fellow comrades and the suffering they experienced amid battle.

“Well, that looks like it’s about enough.” Will sighed to himself, realizing that he had nothing left to take care of. He had completed all the tasks he had known would need to be done that day, and everyone in town knew where he lived in case something happened and anyone needed to get to him quickly.

Deciding that he may as well head home, Will gathered his things and locked up the office. From there, he walked the short distance to the little homestead he shared with his mother.

As Will approached the house, his mother smiled at him from the porch. She was busily knitting, although he couldn’t imagine what. She was always working on something. It made Will happy to see how it soothed her, even when she was still in her grief.

“There you are. It’s starting to get dark, and I was getting worried,” she said.

“No reason to worry, Ma. You know that I’ll always do my best to get back early,” Will said.

“I know, I know. And I know that you can’t help when someone might have a reason to hold you up at the office. But I’m glad you made it back. I just left the potatoes to boil, but dinner should be ready in about fifteen minutes,” she told him.

“Thank you, Ma,” Will said, walking over to her and giving her a kiss on the top of her head, where the long, white hair was coiled into a loose bun.

“You know, I could use a bit of help around here,” she said.

“Help? What sort of help do you need, Ma? I’m sorry. I thought I was doing my part. You know you can always tell me if you need more from me,” Will said.

“What I’m talking about is woman’s work, son. I need someone who can help with some of the other tasks.

There is just so much to do between the cooking and cleaning and also the gardening and collecting the eggs and milking the cow. It would be wonderful if I didn’t have to do it all on my own,” she said.

Will nodded, understanding exactly what his mother was getting at. She was telling him the same thing she had been trying to get at for weeks.

It was time for Will to marry and bring a wife into the house.

“In time, Mother. In time, I’ll be sure to find you someone to help out. But I need you to be patient with me. I’m not a quick man, you know. I don’t like rushing into things,” he said.

“But it would make you so happy, don’t you think?” she asked.

Will laughed and shook his head.

“I’m not so sure that it’s my happiness we are aiming for here, Ma. But I’m listening, and I know what you want from me. Just give me another year or two to get the clinic stable. In the meantime, I can pick up more of the other work. Do you want me to start milking and collecting the eggs? I can do it,” he suggested.

His mother narrowed her eyes, somewhat playfully, and he knew that only one thing would satisfy her.
She expected Will to marry, and she expected it quickly.

Chapter Three

Saying goodbye to her family had been extremely painful for Anita. Her mother had wanted to accompany her to the train, as did her sister Emily, but Anita had insisted on going alone. She couldn’t bear the idea of having to prolong the farewell.

She carried her carpet bag to the platform as the train came to a stop, ready to unload and fill up again with more people. The open-air station was incredibly crowded, bustling with people going from one location to the next. Many of them appeared to be wealthy businessmen, but she saw a few other young females such as herself and couldn’t help wondering if they, too, were on their way to meet a stranger whom they intended to marry.

“Anita!” called a voice behind her. Anita turned and was shocked to see Theodore Marlow chasing after her, running with his athletic build, the bushy, blond mustache atop his lip, holding to his fine hat that reminded her that he was a man of means. Her heart sunk, but she didn’t wish to be rude by ignoring him.

“Theodore?” she asked as he approached.

“I am so glad that I made it in time. I was terribly worried that I had already missed you,” he said.

“What are you doing here? Why have you come?” she asked, incredibly uncomfortable with seeing him there. What if other people saw them together and thought that Anita was going to behave immorally? She just wanted to get away, and the last thing she needed was to interact with a man like Theodore.

“I came to beg you not to leave,” he said.

Anita took a deep breath and released it slowly, straightening her spine and looking Theodore in the eye.

“Then I fear that your time is wasted,” she said.

“But why? Why will you not listen to me? I can offer you everything, Anita. I have money. I can save your reputation by marrying you. Don’t you realize that?” he asked.

Anita didn’t care. She didn’t like Theodore. Everyone knew that he was a flirt, that he could get any girl he wanted. He only liked Anita because she was the one girl who had refused him.

“I don’t think I need your help with my reputation, Theodore. I didn’t do anything wrong. If I can get a fresh start, I can go somewhere where no one will believe the lies about me because they won’t have heard them,” Anita said.

“Come on, Anita. If these things aren’t true, why won’t you just stay here and prove it?” Theodore asked.

“How? How can I prove something like this?” she challenged him.

As far as Anita could figure, it had been Constance Price or Opal Hanover who had made up these lies. They had been angry with her over Theodore’s attention. Both girls liked him, and Anita had overheard them gossiping about her one afternoon, about how they were wealthier and had a better status. They had told one another that they were also prettier than Anita, so it didn’t make any sense for Theodore to like her.

It had to have been one or both of them who came up with all of this. As far as Anita could figure, marrying Theodore would only convince everyone that they had already been canoodling before this.

“You can marry me, and then it won’t matter,” he insisted.

But Anita was completely unwilling. She didn’t love him. And, sure, she didn’t know anything about Will Murphy of Greenbrook, Kansas, but she figured he had to be a better option than staying around here. Besides, Will lived with his mother, who seemed like a peach. At least Anita wouldn’t be completely alone with the strange man.

That didn’t mean she wasn’t frightened, but it meant that she would have someone by her side.

“I am not going to marry you, Theodore,” Anita said, determined as ever to make it clear to him.

“Why are you so stubborn?” he demanded, appearing quite frustrated with Anita. She had expected as much from him, but it didn’t change the fact that she would not give in. No matter how much Theodore tried to convince her she was making a mistake, Anita knew for certain that this was the right choice, even if it was the more difficult one, even if it was frightening.

“I am not stubborn. It is just that I will not marry someone if I know that I don’t want to be with him,” Anita said.

Theodore scoffed.

“You’re going off to marry a man you’ve never even met! How can you say all of this as if it makes you righteous to refuse to marry someone you don’t love?” he asked.

Anita had asked herself that question many times. In the end, she could only say one thing.

“It’s strange, but I feel peace about it. I know that this is the right thing for me to do. I can’t say why; I just know,” she said.

“To me, that sounds like a ridiculous excuse. I don’t trust you, Anita. You have wounded my heart; you have broken me. I am a shell of the man that I was now that you have rejected me, yet again,” he declared.

Anita struggled not to roll her eyes. She did not believe Theodore for a moment. It was more than clear to her that Theodore was simply looking for a way to manipulate her, and Anita had no interest in allowing him to do that. It was infuriating to have to listen to him behaving as though he truly loved her when she knew well that this was not the case.

“Well, I am certain that you can find an abundance of willing women to help you move on,” Anita said.

“You’re right about that. There are plenty of women who would be happy to be with me. I can have any woman I want to have except for you. Why is that? Why have you chosen to torment me this way?”

Theodore asked.

“My intention has never been to torment you. Rather, I hope that I can be happy in my own life, and I am convinced that you and I would not make one another happy,” Anita said.

“But—”

“But nothing, Theodore. The only reason you even care about me is because I don’t want to marry you. If I treated you the same as every other woman around town does, you wouldn’t care about me at all,” Anita reasoned.

“That isn’t true,” Theodore insisted.

“It is, and you know it. I am sorry, but I will never marry you. Now, I need to be on my way,” Anita said, rushing away from Theodore and refusing to look back. She no longer cared how he might respond. She needed to go before the train left, and it was already filling up with people.

Anita took the four steps up and into the train before walking back to one of the small, private rooms. She was shocked, but Will had sent her a ticket for her own space. Before receiving the ticket, Anita had imagined she would be sitting in one of the regular seats for the whole journey. But Will must have had decent means if he could afford a private room for her on the train. She had to admit that the idea of it was thrilling.

When she entered the room, Anita smiled, looking at the slender bed built into the wall, a small desk opposite, the comfortable-looking chair by the window. Amazed that she had such a luxury, Anita sighed and thanked the Lord for this provision of something so marvelous. She had never expected it, but here it was.

The door of her room was still open when Anita sat in the chair and opened her Bible to read and spend some time in prayer. But when she heard whispering at the door, Anita looked up to see two women she knew from town. They immediately turned from her but spoke loud enough for her to hear them as they departed.

“Amazing that a woman like her would even bother reading the Bible,” Cecily gossiped.

“How ironic!” Hyacinth chuckled in reply.

They were gone in but a moment, but the sting of their words remained. Anita took a deep breath and stood to close the door and lock it behind her. She didn’t think she could bear any more of it. She was on her way to a fresh start, away from those women.

She was on to a new life.

***

Anita stretched, shaking out the aches in her body from two and a half days on the train. She grasped her belongings and straightened her back.

It was time to leave the train behind.

Anxiety bubbled up inside her, but she was also incredibly eager. After a few days of prayer and reading the Bible, of preparation in her spirit, and of eagerly practicing how she would introduce herself to Will when he picked her up from the train station, the moment had finally arrived.

Anita breathed steadily as she stepped down from the train and onto the platform, significantly less crowded than the one she had departed. It was a small station, and there were only eight others who exited the train, four of them all one family.

Anita was wearing the gray dress and matching felt hat she had written about in the letter as a way of being identified. She held the floral carpet bag and her Bible as the other distinguishing marks she had given.

One gentleman was waiting on the platform. He was reasonably handsome but a little bit older than Anita had expected. Her stomach did a flip as she prepared to walk over to him.

“Miss Jefferson? Anita Jefferson?” came the voice of a woman to her left.

Anita turned to the older lady and looked her up and down in confusion.

“Yes?” Anita asked.

“I am Lorraine Murphy, Will’s mother,” she explained.

Anita looked into Lorraine’s striking blue eyes and wondered why she had come instead of Will. Perhaps he had wanted Anita to feel more comfortable? Maybe he had worried that she would be frightened by him coming and wanted her to have a sense of security?

“Very nice to meet you,” Anita said, holding out her hand and trying to make a good impression.

“And you as well. Follow me,” Lorraine said. “I’ll get you home.”

---

“Following her Heart’s Compass” is an Amazon Best-Selling novel, check it out here!

Anita Jefferson has no choice but to marry for the sake of her struggling family. To her despair, when her reputation is suddenly called into question, her only escape is to become a mail-order bride, and she wonders if this was God’s plan all along. Unfortunately, when she arrives in Kansas, Anita quickly discovers that she has been tricked and her hopes of marriage are dashed to pieces. Her future husband isn’t even aware of her existence and he is still recovering from his traumas. Lost and confused in a new place, will she have a chance to find love or will her life be turned into a nightmare?

Will Murphy is still deeply damaged by the war and all the people he lost, including his own brother. The last thing on his mind is getting married, especially when so many of his comrades were robbed of that opportunity. After all, what he truly believes he needs is to rebuild his life at home while continuing his work as a doctor. As a consequence, when a bride arrives at his doorstep, Will refuses to accept that this could be the one thing that is missing from his life. To his utter surprise, though, he feels an immediate connection with Anita and opens up to her effortlessly about his life and fears. Can he really allow himself to love when his brother will never have that chance? How can he reconcile to the fact that he still has a life to live?

As Anita and Will get to know one another, they each start to ask themselves if there really could be something between them. When the rumors and the threats that Anita ran away from catch up to her, can Will choose grace over judgment? Will they manage to overcome the shadows of the past to enjoy the gift of the future?

“Following her Heart’s Compass” is an intriguing cozy mystery novel of approximately 80,000 words. No cliffhangers, just pure captivating mystery.

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